University Assignment

To the Directors of Admission,

You hold in your hands the greatest letter you will ever read. This letter is written by Ashley Mandzak.  I am Ashley Mandzak. I am often seen hang gliding of the cliffs of Saskatchewan, swimming across the Hudson Bay, or doing a crossword at Blends. I have been known to teach blind people to read on my lunch breaks. On Mondays, I sing opera, on Tuesdays, I build homes for the homeless, and on Fridays, I eat pizza. Air is unimportant. I have walked the Great Wall, I have scaled the Eiffel Tower, and I have floated the English Channel. People are contently asking for my autograph, picture, and pencils, as I walk the halls of school. Animals love me. I have saved a group of small children from an angry bumble bee, well knitting a 30 foot scarf. I love to dance in Rome, sing in Paris, and sleep in my bed. I can see through walls, tie my shoes, and lift mountains. I once knew the where abouts of Amelia Earhart, but promised I wouldn't tell. I can write a 5 paragraph essay in 3 minutes, read "Of Mice and Men" in a month, and run across Alberta in one afternoon. I never forget anything. I have won the Noble Peace Prize, sailed around the world, and received 100% on my socials test.
I am a majestic, trustful, wonderful human being, but yet no university has had the pleasure of accepting me.